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The current year marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {